10 Tips on How to Co Parenting with Someone Who Hurt You

Co parenting with someone who hurt you can be a difficult task. Parenting is hard enough on its own, but it can feel impossible when you have to do it with someone who hurt you in the past.

But, you can’t avoid this due to your child. You can do a few things to make co-parenting easier for yourself. Here are some tips on how to co-parenting with a toxic ex.

co parenting with someone who hurt you

10 Tips on How to Co Parenting with Someone Who Hurt you

#1. Be strategical:

Co-parenting after a divorce or a break-up is all about being strategic. You need to be able to co-parent without letting your emotions get in the way. This means you might have to bite your tongue sometimes or let some things go.

I know you were hurt by your ex and co-parenting can feel like you’re giving them a front-row seat to watch you suffer, but try to be the bigger person. In the long run, it will be better for your kids if they see you being civil with their other parents.

Remember that you’re doing this for your children, not your ex. Try to keep that in mind when things get tough.

#2. Talk to surrounding people for support:

It’s important to have a supportive co-parenting team. This includes your friends, family, therapist, and even your children’s teachers.

These people can offer you an objective perspective when things get heated with your ex. They can also provide you with much-needed emotional support. Make sure to surround yourself with people who will lift you up and not tear you down. This co-parenting gig is hard enough without negative people in your life.

Remember, whatever your ex did with you in the past, they are still the parent of your children. You will have to co-parent with them for the rest of your life, so it’s important to try to make it work.

#3. Keep the kid out of the middle:

This is probably the most important tip on this list. It’s so tempting to want to use your children as a weapon against your ex but resist that urge.

Your children should never be used as pawns in your co-parenting battle. They love both of their parents and should feel free to express that without fear of judgment.

Keep the lines of communication open with your children and encourage them to talk to you about their feelings. This will help them feel secure and loved during this difficult time. Co-parenting with your toxic ex can be difficult, but you’re doing it for your children.

Don’t use your child to revenge on your ex for their past wrongful acts with you. This will only hurt your child in the long run.

#4. Prioritize the child:

What I am talking about so far, the main point of these is the child’s priority. This one is pretty self-explanatory. The child should always be the top priority in co-parenting. If you are a non-custodial parent, don’t try to keep your child away from the other parent.

You need to put your differences aside and work together for the sake of your child. This means making decisions that are in the child’s best interest, even if it’s not what you want.

It’s not always easy to do, but it’s so important. The child should feel like they are the number one priority in both of their parents’ lives. Co-parenting will be much easier for everyone involved if you can do this.

#5. Set healthy boundaries:

You can’t totally block all kinds of communication with the ex who hurt you because they are the co-parent of your child. But, just because you’re co-parenting doesn’t mean you have to be best friends. It’s probably better if you’re not.

You need to set boundaries that are in line with your comfort level. If you’re uncomfortable talking to your ex about certain things, then don’t. It’s okay to protect yourself and set boundaries. Just make sure you communicate these boundaries to your ex.

Again, be careful that you’re not using your children as a way to communicate with your ex. This will only put more stress on them. If you need help setting boundaries, talk to a therapist or co-parenting coach. They can help you figure out what’s best for you and your family.

#6. Be mentally positive:

This is easier said than done, but it’s so important. You need to stay positive throughout the co-parenting process. This means having a positive attitude, being patient, and staying flexible.

Things are going to happen that you don’t agree with, and that’s okay. Don’t get too wrapped up in the little things. Focus on the big picture, which is raising happy and healthy children.

Yes, you can’t ignore that that person hurt you in the past. But, try to focus on the positive aspects of co-parenting. This will help you get through the tough times.

If you are getting too bogged down by negative emotions, take a step back and take some time. Go for a walk, read a book, or talk to a friend. Do whatever you need to do to regain your mental balance.

#8. Keep enough communication with the child:

If the child is old enough to understand, you need to keep them in the loop about what’s going on. They need to know that they are not the reason for the divorce or the co-parenting arrangement.

Explain to them why you’re co-parenting and how it will work. answer any questions they have honestly. The more information they have, the better they’ll understand the situation. Especially a teenage child may want to live with the other parent if you fail to maintain proper communication.

Ensure you’re also communicating with your ex about what’s going on in your child’s life. This includes both the good and the bad. Keep each other updated on everything so that you can be there for your child when they need it.

#9. Maintain visitation schedule and other parental support:

I am not sure who has visitation custody rights. Either you or your ex. Whoever has custody rights should maintain them sincerely. Because this will directly affect the child’s daily routine and mood.

If you have to pay any child support, do it on time. Talk to your ex about it if you don’t have the money. They may be willing to work something out with you.

This sincerity will help to avoid further misunderstanding and conflict between you and your ex. And, the child will feel more secure about his/her parents’ support.

#10. Forgive your co-parent:

It might be a tough suggestion for you. Because still, you can’t forget the pain given by your ex. Every time you see your ex, it reminds you of the nasty past. Forgiving that person is not an easy task.

It might be your husband divorced you while you were pregnant. You had to suffer a lot of pain to give birth to your child. You were alone in this whole journey. It is really hard to forgive someone like this person.

But, if you want to co-parent effectively, you must find a way to forgive your co-parent. This doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened or that you’re okay with it.

It just means that you’re willing to move on and focus on co-parenting your children. This is the best thing you can do for them. Try to forgive your co-parent. Because, if you don’t do it now, when? It will be much harder to co-parent effectively if you hold onto all that anger and resentment.

Co-Parenting with the cheating ex is always the hardest thing in the world. These additional tips might be helpful:

FAQs on Co Parenting with Someone Who Hurt You

How do you co-parent when your heartbroken?

Parents who divorce often face the daunting task of co-parenting their children. This can be especially difficult if the parents deal with their emotional fallout from the breakup, like divorcing the spouse without knowing them.

Even though they may be heartbroken, their children still need to feel loved and supported. One of the best ways to do this is to maintain a positive relationship with the other parent.

This can be difficult, but you should set aside personal feelings and focus on what is best for the child. When both parents can put their child’s needs first, it can ensure a healthy, happy childhood.

How do you co-parent with a disrespectful ex?

Co-parenting with a disrespectful ex like someone who messages your best friend is never easy, especially if you have to see them regularly. The first thing you need to do is keep your cool and not let them get to you.

Second, you need to be clear about what your expectations are and what the consequences will be if they’re not met. Finally, it’s important to remain consistent in your parenting and not give in to their demands.

If you can do all these things, you’ll be well on your way to maintaining a respectful and healthy relationship with your ex for the sake of your children.

How do you tell if you are co-parenting with a narcissist?

Some key signs may indicate that you are co-parenting with a narcissist. For one, narcissists tend to be highly controlling and may try to micromanage every aspect of the relationship.
They may also be quick to anger and resort to name-calling or personal attacks when they don’t get their way. Additionally, narcissists may refuse to compromise or consider the needs of their children or co-parent.


Parenting is never easy, but it can be especially tough when you have to do it with someone who previously hurt you.

Following these tips can make the situation a little easier on yourself. Remember to communicate as little as possible, take care of yourself, and seek support from family and friends when needed.

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