My client Patricia told me, “Saren and I broke up around a year ago. We were together for two years; during that time, he had left much of his stuff at my place. Now I’m wondering why hasn’t my ex asked for his stuff back. I’ve gone through all the possibilities and can’t find a reason.”
There could be a lot of reasons why her ex hasn’t asked for his stuff back. In this article, I’ll go over the 12 most common reasons why this might be happening. So, keep reading to find out why your ex may have yet to contact you about returning their belongings!
Why Hasn’t My Ex Asked for His Stuff Back: 12 True Reasons
#1. He’s over you:
If your ex has moved on and is no longer interested in you, he will probably not want his stuff back. This is because he will have no sentimental attachment to the items and will not want to be reminded of you. Additionally, if he has already replaced the items with new ones, he may not even need them.
But some people say this is one of the signs your ex is leaving the door open. I think it depends on the individual.
#2. He doesn’t want to see you:
Even if your ex is not over you, he may not want to see you again and will not ask for his stuff back. This is especially likely if the breakup was painful or he feels he needs time. Additionally, if he lives far away from you, it may simply be too much of a hassle for him to arrange to get his stuff back.
Giving stuff back after a breakup can be difficult emotionally, even for you. People have different coping mechanisms when it comes to breakups, so if your ex isn’t asking for his stuff back, he may simply be trying to cope.
#3. He’s busy:
Your ex may not have asked for his stuff back because he is busy with work, school, or other commitments and needs more time to deal with it. Additionally, if he has moved to a new city or country, it may be difficult for him to get back to your place to retrieve his belongings.
It could be that your ex is too busy to think about their stuff at your place. If he has a lot going on in his life, it may have taken a backseat, and he simply forgot about it. Or maybe visiting you to get his stuff does not appeal to him, and he has chosen to avoid the situation.
#4. He doesn’t need it:
If your ex has replaced the items he left at your place with new ones, he probably doesn’t need them back and won’t bother asking for them. Additionally, if the items are not particularly valuable or sentimental to him, he may not feel it’s worth the effort to get them back.
#5. He thinks you need it more than him:
If your ex believes you need the items more than he does, he may be reluctant to ask for them back. This is especially likely if the items are necessary for everyday life (e.g., a toothbrush) or if they are expensive and would be difficult for you to replace (e.g., a laptop).
Additionally, suppose your ex knows you are struggling financially. In that case, he may feel guilty about taking back his belongings when you can barely afford to keep yourself afloat, especially if you left him for another man.
#6. He wants you to keep them as a reminder of him:
Sometimes, an ex will leave his stuff behind to remain in your life. By keeping his things at your place, he knows that he will stay on your mind and that you’ll have to think of him every time you see his belongings. Additionally, this gives him an excuse to contact you in the future should he ever want to get back together.
#7. He’s waiting for you to ask him for his stuff back.
Sometimes an ex will leave his stuff behind in hopes you’ll reach out and ask him for it back. By doing this, he’s allowing you to initiate contact with him, which could lead to getting back together. He can also think about why ex delaying giving stuff back. Additionally, this gives him an excuse to contact you in the future should he ever want any of his belongings back.
#9. He’s trying to make you jealous:
In some cases, an ex will leave his stuff at your place as a way of making you jealous. He may do this in hopes you’ll reach out to him and try to get back together. Additionally, this gives him an excuse to contact you in the future should he ever want any of his belongings back.
#10. He’s hoping you’ll give it back to him:
If your ex has left his stuff at your house, it could be because he’s hoping you’ll take the initiative and return it. That way, he doesn’t have to expend any energy and can rest assured that he’ll get his things back.
Plus, this gives him an excuse to get in touch with you down the road if he ever wants something specific in return.
#11. He’s trying to take advantage of you:
If your ex leaves his stuff at your place, he may try to take advantage of you. He might know you’re generous and will wait to ask him for the items. This also allows him to contact you again if he ever wants his things back. Maybe you broke up with him, and he didn’t chase you because he is angry with you.
#12. He’s trying to get your attention:
Sometimes, an ex will leave his things at your place to get your attention. He may want you to reach out and try reconciling. Additionally, this justifies him contacting you in the future if he ever needs any of his belongings back from you.
If you want to learn more, watch this video about whether I should give my ex their stuff back after a breakup:
FAQs on Why Hasn’t My Ex Asked for His Stuff Back
Should I ask my ex if they want their stuff back?
Knowing what to do with your ex’s belongings can be challenging after a breakup. Should you keep them, toss them, or try to return them? Considering the latter option, you should keep a few things in mind.
Be respectful of your ex’s wishes. If they explicitly said they wanted their stuff back, you should return it as soon as possible. However, if they didn’t say anything or it’s been a while since the breakup, you might want to err on caution and assume they don’t want their belongings back.
Returning their belongings can open up old wounds and reignite old arguments. If you’re not sure you can handle seeing your ex again or if there’s still bad blood between you two, it might be best to avoid returning their stuff in person.
Finally, consider whether returning their belongings is worth your time and effort. If it’s a small item or something that holds no sentimental value, it might not be worth the hassle. Ultimately, only you can decide whether or not to return your ex’s belongings. But if you choose, ensure you’re doing it for the right reasons.
Should you give his stuff back after a breakup?
“My ex asked for his things back.”
After a breakup, deciding what to do with your ex’s stuff can be challenging. If you’re still on good terms, you may feel comfortable giving it back immediately. However, if the breakup was messy or you’re not sure how your ex would react, it may be best to keep the stuff and wait for a while.
There are pros and cons to both approaches. If you give the stuff back right away, you’re being considerate and showing that you’re respectful of your ex’s belongings. However, if you wait a while before giving it back, you may have time to cool off and ensure that returning the stuff won’t cause any problems.
Ultimately, the decision of whether or when to give your ex’s stuff back is up to you. Make sure you consider your choice and respect your ex’s feelings.
What does it mean when your ex still has your stuff?
It could mean several things when your ex has yet to ask for his stuff back. It’s important to remember that each person deals with breakups differently, and there isn’t one specific meaning behind the fact that he hasn’t asked for his things.
However, some common interpretations include: he still has feelings for you, he is embarrassed or uncomfortable discussing the breakup, or he simply doesn’t need the items anymore. Whatever the case, it’s important to remember that your ex may need some time and space to process his emotions before asking for his stuff back. If you got a laid-back guy as your ex, maybe he would not agree to take his belongings.
Ultimately, only your ex knows why he hasn’t asked for his things back, and it’s best to respect that.
Why doesn’t my ex give me my stuff back?
“Why hasn’t he returned my things?”
It can be incredibly frustrating when you break up with someone and they refuse to give you your stuff back. It’s common for people to cling to items that remind them of their former partner, but it can also be a way of exerting power and control.
If your ex withholds your belongings, it’s likely because they want to make you feel as uncomfortable as possible. They may also hope you’ll beg or plead for the items, giving them a sense of satisfaction.
If you can’t get your stuff back through normal channels, it might be time to take more dramatic measures. You could hire a lawyer or even contact the police, but ultimately, it’s up to you to decide how far you’re willing to go to get your belongings back.
How to ask your ex to take his stuff back?
Asking your ex to take his stuff back can be a delicate conversation. After all, you don’t want to come across as angry or bitter.
Instead, try to approach the topic from a place of calm and reason. Start by explaining that you’re not ready to have his things around the house and that it would be best if he took them back. Suppose he asks why explain that it’s a reminder of the past and that you’re trying to move on.
Be firm but understanding, and avoid arguing about who was at fault for the breakup. In most cases, your ex will be happy to oblige and will be grateful that you handled the situation with maturity.
Several reasons your ex might not have yet asked for his stuff back. It could be because he’s busy, he doesn’t need it, or he’s hoping you’ll reach out to him.
Additionally, there are some more nefarious reasons why your ex might not have collected his belongings, such as trying to make you jealous or take advantage of you.
Ultimately, only your ex knows why he hasn’t asked for his things back. If you want to know the reason, you should reach out and ask him directly.