It’s a situation that no one wants to find themselves in: you discover that your husband fathered child outside marriage. It’s a devastating betrayal that can leave you feeling hurt, angry, and alone.
But what do you do next? Should you leave your husband or forgive him? Both options have their own pros and cons, so it is important to weigh your options carefully before making a decision. I will explore both paths in detail and help you make the best decision.
Husband Fathered Child Outside Marriage: Leave or Forgive?
Kristina, my neighbour, shared the below story of her:
“We have been married since 2018, but suddenly just yesterday, I got to know he has a child from his previous marriage. He never shared something like that while we were dating or even after the marriage. I love him so much, but now I am so shocked, and feeling hurt right now, I don’t know what to do.”
Not alone, Kristina, many women like you have to go through the same phase. A husband fathering a child outside marriage is one of the most difficult things a wife can ever deal with. It’s complete cheating.
You may be wondering what you should do next. Someone may guide you to leave the cheater immediately, but someone may also say you should give him a chance and try to work things out. Let’s explore both options:
Why should you leave your husband:
“My Husband Fathered a Son Outside of Our Marriage”
The first option is to leave your husband. This may be the best decision if you feel you can’t forgive him or if you don’t believe that he will be faithful in the future. If you have young children, this may also be the best decision, so they don’t have to grow up with a father who is not around.
He has broken your trust. Husbands who cheat on their wives have broken the trust essential to a healthy marriage. If he has cheated once, he will likely cheat again. It will be difficult to rebuild trust after an affair, and you may be unable to do it.
It will be hard to forget even if you decide to stay in the marriage; it will be very difficult to forget what he has done. The pain will always be there, and it will affect your relationship.
You don’t deserve to be treated like this. You deserve to be respected and loved by your husband. If he is willing to cheat on you, he doesn’t deserve to be with you.
There are lots of disadvantages of having a child with a married man. Accepting an outside child might not be easy for you.
If you are not prepared to accept co-parenting a child you didn’t give birth to, you should leave him. Life is short, and there’s no point in spending it with someone who doesn’t make you happy.
While talking with Kristina, she said I would likely try to build a relationship with the child and her mother rather than rebuild any trust with the cheater. In marriage, there is a promise given. If he breaks this promise, it’s better to end the relationship.
Your husband demonstrated that he doesn’t respect you or your marriage — he’s a cheater. He’s broken your trust and destroyed the sanctity of your relationship; therefore, get divorced from him. Kick him out of your life.
He may move on to be with his way, while you can find a guy who genuinely loves and respects you. Nobody “amazing” cheats on their partner.
Why should you forgive your husband:
The second option is to forgive your husband and stay in the marriage. This may be the best decision if you truly love him and believe he is sorry for his actions. It will also be a good decision if you have been married for a long time and built a strong foundation.
Forgiving him will allow you to move on. If you can forgive him, it will help you to move on from what happened and rebuild your relationship. It will also help you let go of the anger and hurt you are feeling.
It will show your children how to forgive. If you have children, they will see that it is possible to forgive someone even after they have done something wrong. This will teach them an important life lesson.
It will make your marriage stronger. If you can work through this difficult time, it will make your marriage stronger. You will be able to rely on each other more and trust each other more.
You’d keep your marriage because she was an ex for a reason, and you are the future. Ensure your husband is truly sorry for what he has done and is willing to work on your marriage.
Some couples can overcome this obstacle and come out stronger than ever. If you love your husband and believe he is truly sorry for what he has done, forgiving him may be your best option. After all, every marriage goes through rough patches – this doesn’t have to be your end.
How to make the decision:
When deciding whether to leave or forgive your husband, there are several factors that you need to take into account. First, how long have you been together? If you’ve only been married for a year or two, it may be easier to walk away than if you’ve been together for decades.
Additionally, how did he tell you about the child? Did he confess immediately, or did you have to find out from someone else? Was he apologetic and remorseful? Answers to these questions can help you determine whether or not there is still enough trust and love between you to make things work.
There is the question of whether or not you are prepared to co-parent with someone who is not your spouse. Raising a child is hard enough as it is – doing it with someone who is essentially a stranger can be even more challenging.
If you think you can handle sharing parenting duties with your husband’s mistress (or even if you just think it would be better for the child), then forgiveness may be the way to go.
Finally, do you have children of your own? If so, how will they be affected by this situation? It’s important to think about their well-being and how they would react if you were to divorce.
“My husband cheated and has a baby outside our marriage. What should I do?” – Already discussed what you can do. But, if you want to learn more, you may watch the below video:
FAQs on Husband Fathered Child Outside Marriage
What happens if a man has a baby outside of marriage?
A man with a baby outside of marriage will not be legally liable for child support unless biological paternity is established. Paternity can be established through DNA testing or signing a voluntary acknowledgement of the paternity form. Once paternity is established, the father will be liable for child support and can claim custody.
What do you do when your husband has a child with another woman?
Well, already been discussed. If you can’t accept, divorce him and move on with your life.
But, if you want to forgive, you should remember that your husband is not the only one involved in this situation. His child’s mother is also a vital part of the equation, and respecting her role in the child’s life is important.
You should also try to establish a good relationship with her if possible. It can be difficult to watch your husband have a close relationship with another woman, but the child needs both parents in their life.
In addition, you should also make sure to spend quality time with your husband to nurture your relationship. This will help to ensure that you’re both still invested in each other, even though you now have to share him with another woman.
How realistic is it to forgive your husband who fathered a child outside of your marriage?
It depends on the situation. If you love your husband and he is truly sorry for what he has done, then forgiving him may be your best option.
However, if you don’t think that you can handle sharing parenting duties with your husband’s mistress (or even if you just think that it would be better for the child), then forgiveness may not be realistic.
Can you have a child outside of marriage?
“I had a child outside of my marriage.”
It depends on the cultural and social context in which it is asked. In some cultures, marriage is seen as a necessary step before starting a family, and having a child outside of marriage would be unthinkable.
In others, however, marriage may not be seen as essential, and couples may choose to have children without tying the knot.
When hubby fathers child out of wedlock?
Fathering a child out of wedlock can have several consequences, both for the father and the child. In many cases, it can lead to financial strain as the father is responsible for supporting the child without the help of a partner.
It can also lead to emotional difficulties, as the child may feel abandoned or rejected by their father. Sometimes, it may also lead to legal problems, as the father may be required to pay child support. Regardless of the specific situation, fathering a child out of wedlock is a serious responsibility that should not be taken lightly.
When deciding whether to leave or forgive your husband after he fathers a child outside of marriage, there is no easy answer. Ultimately, it’s a decision only you can make based on the specifics of your relationship and family dynamic. However, considering all the factors, you can make the best decision for yourself and your future.