Ex Refuses to Talk to Me About Child: 8 Things You Can Do

Recently, my colleague Monty shared his story of losing custody of his child. He said, “Whenever I asked about my child, my ex refuses to talk to me about child. I think she is trying to keep me away from my child. What can I do now?”

Now, if your ex refuses to talk to you about your child, it can be a frustrating and confusing experience. You may feel like you are at a loss for what to do. Remember, although you are a non-custodial parent, the custodial parent can’t just keep you away from your child.

Luckily, there are things you can do to protect your rights as a parent and ensure that your child still has a relationship with you. In this blog post, I will discuss eight of the best strategies for dealing with an ex who refuses to talk to you about your child.

ex refuses to talk to me about child

Ex Refuses to Talk to Me About Child: 8 Things You Can Do

#1. Talk to your ex:

Although it might be difficult, try to reach out to your ex and discuss the situation. Explain that you want what is best for your child and that maintaining a close relationship with both parents is important.

Also, let your ex know you are willing to reach a mutually beneficial agreement regarding the child. If your ex refuses to talk, I suggest meeting in neutral settings such as a lawyer’s office or even at a restaurant. If talking with your ex does not work, move on to other strategies.

#2. Reach out the family members:

Sometimes ex-partners refuse to talk because they feel overwhelmed. If this is the case, you should ask your ex’s family or friends for their assistance. Ask them to help mediate the situation in a calm manner.

Also, tell them how important it is to maintain a relationship between your ex and your child. With any luck, they can convince your ex to discuss the situation with you.

#3. Hire a mediator:

Consider mediation if talking directly with your ex or reaching out to their family members does not work. Mediation is a process where both exes can talk through their issues with the help of an impartial third party, such as a lawyer or mediator.

Mediation offers the exes more control over the situation and allows them to come to an agreement that works for both parties. It also helps exes avoid expensive and time-consuming court battles.

#4. Keep records:

When your ex refuses to talk to you about the child, you must keep records of all communication between both exes. For example, if your ex won’t respond to texts about the child, you can save the messages and use them as evidence if you have to go to court. Such records also include emails and any other forms of communication.

Record keeping serves two main purposes: firstly, it can be used as evidence if a dispute arises; secondly, it can provide insight into the ex’s behaviour and help assess if communication is improving.

Keeping records will also show your ex that you are serious about maintaining a relationship with your child, which may encourage them to talk to you about the matter.

#5. Seek legal advice:

If you cannot reach an agreement with your ex, it is recommended that you seek legal advice. An attorney can help you understand the laws in your state and provide guidance on how to protect your rights as a parent.

Sometimes, the ex may be issued a court order to attend mediation sessions. The ex may be forced to appear in court and answer questions if this does not work.

#6. Request visitation rights:

If your ex refuses to co-parent continuously, you can request supervised visitation or court-approved visitation rights. This can be difficult, but it allows you to have limited contact with your child.

The court requires exes to attend parenting classes or counselling before approving visitation rights. If both exes are willing, these classes and sessions can help improve communication and foster better understanding between ex-partners.

#7. File a court petition:

If your ex refuses to talk, you can also file a court petition asking for the ex’s rights and privileges as a parent to be limited or restricted. This is usually done if an ex has not been paying child support or denied access to the child.

Moreover, if you have visitation rights, take advantage of them. A court order can be issued that allows more freedom of communication between ex-partners, but as always, seek legal advice before petitioning the court.

#8. Practice healthy communication:

If you do get the opportunity to talk with your ex about your child, remember to keep the conversation civil and respectful. This will make it easier for exes to communicate in a healthier manner and understand each other’s point of view better.

Also, avoid being confrontational and keep the conversation focused on your child. This will encourage exes to work together instead of against each other.

Ex Refuses to Talk to Me About Child: 5 Ways to Cope with

Remember, if your ex has a restraining order or any other valid reason for refusing to communicate with you about your child, you likely will not be successful. In this case, you have to cope with the situation. In this regard, here are 5 tips for you.

#1. Take care of yourself:

Make sure you are taking time for yourself to relax and decompress. Permit yourself to be angry, sad, or frustrated if the ex refuses to talk about the child. Also, ensure you are taking care of your physical and mental health.

Moreover, try to be involved in activities that have nothing to do with your ex and your child. This will help you channel negative emotions into something productive, such as a hobby or a job.

#2. Talk to a support system:

Find people, such as family members or friends, who will listen without judgment. Let them know how you feel about the ex’s refusal to talk about the child and get their advice on how to cope with the situation.

Talking to a counsellor or therapist is also an option if you feel the ex’s refusal to talk about your child has caused emotional distress. A professional can give you advice on how to handle a difficult situation.

#3. Focus on positive things:

Focus your energy on positive things, such as spending time with your other children or engaging in activities that bring you joy. This will help you stay productive and reduce feelings of stress and depression.

Moreover, try to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex. If communication is impossible, then at least ensure that the ex understands you are still willing to cooperate regarding the child’s care and wellbeing.

#4. Do what makes you happy:

Take a break from the ex and do something that makes you happy. This could be playing sports, travelling, cooking, reading, or any activity that you find enjoyable.

Moreover, try to keep yourself away from activities related to your ex. If you can’t avoid them (such as attending court hearings or meetings), try to ensure that you focus on your child’s best interests.

#5. Be patient:

It can be hard to remain patient when your ex refuses to talk about the child, but try not to get too angry or frustrated. Remember that communication is a two-way street,; it could take some time before exes are ready to talk.

Moreover, try to keep an open mind and focus on the child’s best interests. This will help you remain positive and keep your ex from getting defensive or retaliating against you.

If you are still not convinced, watch the below video; when your ex doesn’t let you see your children, what can you do:

FAQs on Ex Refuses to Talk to Me About Child

Can I call the police if my ex won’t let me see my child?

If you have difficulty seeing your child due to interference from a former partner, take decisive and appropriate action. If your ex has broken a written or verbal agreement, it may be time to contact the authorities.

Also, if you have a court order or previous visitation rights, then you can call the police to enforce the order. With the proper guidance and using all legal avenues available to you, there is room for hope that the issue at hand can be resolved without too much trouble.

Can you lose custody for not co-parenting?

Co-parenting is an increasingly popular method for divorced parents to work together in raising their children. However, there is no legal requirement that parents must co-parent and a parent who chooses not to co-parent will typically not face any legal repercussions, including losing custody of the child.

Some parents decide against co-parenting after a divorce because they feel it is the best decision for the child. That being said, if two parents cannot cooperate in some areas of parenting or their lack of communication threatens the child’s welfare, courts may be forced to consider a change in custody arrangements.

Ultimately, it’s clear that despite its popularity increase, co-parenting is not compulsory. As long as both parents care for their children, it does not necessarily have to be part of a post-divorce parenting plan.

What is parallel parenting?

Parallel parenting is an alternative approach to co-parenting in which two divorced parents coordinate their child-rearing activities without actively interacting with each other.

This parenting style relies heavily on strong communication and clear boundaries between kids and each parent. It is designed to provide children stability and security as they pass back and forth between households.

Parallel parenting eliminates face-to-face meetings and difficult conversations, which can be especially beneficial when there is a high level of conflict or hurt feelings between the parents.

It allows the children to remain out of the line of fire while still receiving love and support from both sides of their family. While parallel parenting may work just fine for some families post-divorce, it is not suitable for every situation – but it can often offer a healthy solution to co-parenting when so much else has become too difficult.

Why does my ex refuse to talk to me?

It can be stressful and hurtful when your ex refuses to talk with you. However, there may be several underlying reasons for this. Perhaps your ex is trying to heal from the pain related to the relationship ending or maybe they are protecting themselves from further hurt or distress.

It is also possible that they are hoping you can move on without having any conversations about the past. Whatever their reason, respect their decision, take any time you need to heal, and focus on finding joy again in life.

How can I get my ex to talk to me?

Reconnecting with an ex can be difficult and emotional, but it is possible. Start by telling them how you feel and want to talk. Apologize for anything you might have done wrong during your relationship and try to express that you care about their wellbeing and want to make amends.

Ask if there’s any way for the two of you to repair your connection, but don’t expect things to happen overnight. Give them some space so they can consider everything and respond when they feel ready.

Establishing trust again won’t happen quickly, but communication is the key to understanding each other’s feelings and beginning the healing process.

What is considered harassment by a co-parent?

Co-parenting can be a rewarding experience for both parties, but it can also become very difficult in certain cases. One area that can quickly become contentious is harassment by one parent of the other, which takes many different forms. Inappropriate co-parenting can be harmful to children while in a relationship.

This can include belittling and shaming comments to making implicit or explicit threats to intimidate the other parent. Harassment may also be present when one parent consistently sets unreasonable expectations of the other or attempts to control their interactions both directly and indirectly.

With such behaviours, the main goal of co-parenting, fostering an environment where children have meaningful relationships with both parents, can quickly become an afterthought.

Therefore clear boundaries must be established early on to ensure both parents remain focused on providing a safe and nurturing environment for their children.

What to do if your ex using your child to control you?

Ex using child to control me.”

Navigating co-parenting with an ex after a breakup can be challenging, but it’s crucial to remember that your child’s well-being is the most important priority. If you start to notice that your ex is using your child to control you, use patience and stay focused on parenting as best you can.

It may help to have a third party, such as a therapist or mediator, who can be an unbiased listener and provide guidance on communication and boundaries. Talk to them about how to address the situation constructively: for example, setting expectations for respectful dialogue between parents that does not involve bringing up the former relationship or creating an action plan for handling any violations of that agreement.

With the right supports in place, you can foster an environment of care and respect in which your child will thrive regardless of their parents’ relationship status.


There can be a lot of emotions when exes refuse to talk about their child. But with the right mindset and patience, exes can eventually come together and communicate in a healthy way.

Remember to stay focused on your child’s best interests and practice healthy communication habits whenever possible. And if all else fails, seek legal advice and counselling if needed.

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