Dismissive Avoidant Keeps Coming Back: 12 Real Reasons

“Dismissive avoidant keeps coming back, but why?” Dismissive-avoidant attachment describes an individual who actively works to limit or prevent feelings of closeness with others. If you have a dismissive avoidant attachment, you may not seek out romantic relationships and may even work to avoid them.

Now, such behavior is often perplexing to those on the receiving end. This person continually pushes you away, only to return later with increased intensity. So why do they do this? In this blog post, I will discuss the 12 real reasons why dismissive avoidants come back.

dismissive avoidant keeps coming back

Dismissive Avoidant Keeps Coming Back: 12 Real Reasons

#1. They need comfort and reassurance:

Dismissive avoidants need comfort and reassurance. They may struggle with feelings of insecurity and fear of abandonment, so they often look for someone to provide them with this feeling of security.

When dismissive avoidant ex comes back, they look for the safety blanket they know they can get from you — even if it means pushing you away first. This is like you dumped your girlfriend and now push her again for the relationship.

#2. The idea of romantic relationships appeals to them:

Even dismissive avoidants can find the idea of a romantic relationship alluring, despite their efforts to push people away. Over time, they may feel more comfortable and safe in your presence and, as a result, be drawn back to you.

Also, dismissive avoidants may be intrigued by the idea of a relationship and feel a strong desire to explore it further, despite their behavior which pushes you away. They didn’t miss you when you were close but now feel your presence.

#3. They need someone to depend on:

While dismissive avoidants may not realize it, they often search for a relationship because they need someone to depend on emotionally. This is because these individuals likely experience deep insecurity, which compels them to look for others to provide emotional comfort.

However, It can be challenging for dismissive avoidants to discern their yearning for emotional support from their fear of getting too close to others. Nevertheless, the underlying reason why dismissive avoidants keep coming back is that they need someone to depend on.

#4. They’re attracted to your positive traits:

While it may be difficult to understand why people with dismissive personality types often come back into our lives because they are attracted to our positive qualities, they may be drawn to your intelligence, loyalty, or kind heart, for example, and find themselves unable even though they’d rather stay away.

There may also be a strong emotional connection between you and the person who keeps returning, even though they have a dismissive personality type. This is likely due to the positive traits that first drew them towards you in the first place.

#5. They miss the companionship:

Dismissive avoidants may also come back because they need companionship. Despite their desire to be independent, dismissive avoidants can still crave companionship and the feeling of being connected to someone else.

Therefore, dismissive-avoidant individuals may find themselves missing your presence and longing for the connection you two shared.

#6. They need to feel secure:

In addition to companionship, dismissive avoidants may seek security when returning to your life. Dismissive-avoidant individuals often struggle with insecurity and fear of abandonment due to past hurts, so they are searching for someone who can provide them with a feeling of safety and security.

For dismissive avoidants, coming back is an attempt to regain the secure feeling only a committed relationship can provide.

#7. They’re worried about being lonely:

Dismissive avoidants may come back into your life because they fear the loneliness of being single. Even dismissive-avoidant individuals still want to feel connected to someone, and coming back is their way of seeking this connection.

If dismissive avoidants can no longer bear being alone, they may return to you for companionship and emotional support.

#8. They need to feel needed:

The dismissive-avoidant individual may also be drawn back to the relationship because they need to feel needed. This feeling of being wanted and necessary can be a powerful motivator for dismissive avoidants, even though they would rather keep their distance.

Without this feeling of purpose, dismissive avoidants will likely be drawn back to the relationship in search of it. This need to feel needed can be so strong that dismissive avoidants will defy their desire to stay away and come back into your life.

#9. They have a fear of missing out:

Dismissive avoidants may also come back because they fear missing out. Despite their desire to keep their distance from others, dismissive-avoidant individuals are still susceptible to the same insecurities that others experience.

They may worry about what could happen if they don’t come back, and this fear of missing out can be a powerful motivator for dismissive avoidants.

#10. They want to make sure you’re okay:

Dismissive-avoidant individuals may also come back into your life because they care about you and want to ensure you are doing alright. Despite their dismissive personality type, dismissive avoidants may still experience worry and concern for your well-being.

Therefore, dismissive avoidants may come back into your life from time to time simply to check on you and ensure everything is alright.

#11. They can’t resist the temptation:

Dismissive-avoidant individuals may also come back because they can’t resist the temptation to be with you. Individuals who are dismissive avoidants often crave companionship, and even though they are trying to keep their distance, they may still find themselves fighting a strong desire to be together.

Therefore, it’s likely that dismissive avoidants will come back simply because they can’t fight the temptation to be near you.

#12. They want to re-establish the relationship:

Finally, those with a dismissive-avoidant personality may try to come back into your life because they are trying to re-establish the relationship. Dismissive-avoidant individuals often struggle with commitment and fear of abandonment due to past hurts, so it can be difficult for them to let go and move on.

Even though people with this type of personality tend to want their distance, but they may still need to return to resume contact.

Do you need more about why dismissive avoidants come back? I think the above 12 tips are enough.
But if you want to learn more, watch this video:

FAQs on Dismissive Avoidant Ex Keeps Coming Back

Do dismissive Avoidants reach out after no contact?

It’s possible. People with a dismissive avoidant attachment style may find themselves drawn to contact again, even if they have previously worked to avoid it. This is because, while trying to keep emotional distance, they can still experience loneliness and seek out connection.

Do dismissive avoidants want to get back together?

“How often do dismissive avoidants come back?”

Dismissive avoidants are known for running away and distancing themselves from relationships at the first sign of emotional discomfort. Even they may try to disgrace your value. Trying to determine whether or not a dismissive avoidant truly wants to come back together can be difficult and frustrating. 

However, there may be signs they still have feelings toward their former partner, such as wanting to continue conversations, being protective of them in social situations, or reaching out unexpectedly. Depending on the situation, they might open up more emotionally or give more compliments than usual. 

Ultimately, it’s essential to assess each situation individually to determine whether a dismissive avoidant is looking to get back together or if their feelings have changed since the breakup.

Do dismissive avoidants miss their ex?

“Dismissive avoidant hates me.”

For dismissive Avoidants, it’s not uncommon to feel ambivalent towards their ex-lover, especially after deciding to end a relationship. Dismissive Avoidants fear coming too close to someone, so they tend to torch any emotions associated with that former flame when they find themselves no longer attached. 

This doesn’t necessarily mean they miss them as a person but instead disregard the time invested in such an individual. Only some people deal with breakups the same way – if anything, many Dismissives have grown accustomed to fleeing from their partner rather than settling in for a face-to-face conflict resolution. 

As such, the general consensus among this particular personality type is that looking back at those memories would be more detrimental than helpful in healing and moving forward.

How do you know dismissive avoidant ex miss you?

It can be difficult to tell whether or not someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style misses you, as they are often unwilling to express their emotions. However, there are some telltale signs an avoidant ex misses you and may still have feelings for you.

They may stay in touch more frequently than usual or go out of their way to bump into you. They may also act guarded or distant when you are around as they try to keep themselves from getting too emotionally attached.

If you notice any of these behaviors, it is possible that your ex is struggling to deal with their own feelings and is missing you more than they would care to admit.

Do avoidants regret breaking up?

While it is impossible to generalize the experience of all people who identify as avoidant, it is fair to say that many avoidants do not experience regret so much after breaking up with a partner.

In fact, for some avoidants, the decision to break up may be informed by a deep-seated fear of intimacy and commitment. As a result, they may view the break-up as a way to protect themselves from further hurt and disappointment.

For others, the break-up may be necessary for living a more authentic life. In either case, it is unlikely that an avoidant would experience significant regret after breaking up with a partner.


Dismissive-avoidant individuals often come back into our lives for a variety of reasons. Whether it’s the need to feel secure, the fear of being alone, or the desire to re-establish a connection, dismissive avoidants may find themselves drawn back to us from time to time. 

By being aware of why dismissive-avoidant individuals may come back, we can be better equipped to accept them or move on with our lives. Ultimately, it’s up to us to decide if we are willing to give dismissive.

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